growing up, i was pretty much of a good kid. ' a good heart on two legs ' was how my granddad used to describe me to his friends. i just did not have it in my constitution to hurt anyone or disrupt anything. i really didnt. i did fairly well in school, was pretty popular with the girls (and boys), and played some solid softball through high school.

yet of late, i have numbed out and do not really care much about anything. i medicated myself with too much alcohol, too much food, and too much worries - cleverly designed to avoid having to go through the immense pain that one feels at the recognition of one's lost potential.

im sort of coasting on autopilot for a while.