i have been trudging this boring highway without exits. inevitably, many of us have been forced into such a situation, spending a great deal of our time physically and emotionally isolated, feeling utterly alone.

but have you ever stopped for a minute and think, 'whats waiting for everyone at the end of this journey?' 'why is it that everyone always seem to be in a mad rush, so hurriedly trying to pace against time?' 'isnt it the case where the harder you try to accomplish everything, the faster it leads to death?'

well, that is by far the best conclusion i could come up with; considering the fact that we have all failed to live as we ought to. yup, you read me right. we have all fallen short when it comes to savouring and enjoying our adventure. i for one, grew up way too quickly.

i know, there are somethings in live that we dont know of and cant control. and definitely there are certain immutable truths in this world that maximillian cant talk his way out of. i have probably spent the last twenty years like any other ordinary teenager would have done (less all the vices, of course). i guess now its time ill do something i never really thought id do for the next half of my life.

live in the moment.

ok, i think my depressing tune has sunk in again. but not to worry, i really am ok. i mean, i always am, right? id like to think as i make this journey, i left the world a little better and brighter than when i first found it. and in the midst of it, taking time out to enjoy the view, relishing the first drops of summer rain on my tongue, and spending precious time with that someone special who would cuddle with me before i close this wonderful chapter.

and to all of you, i realise we need to embrace the unpredictable as there always are beauty and hope, even in the most awful circumstances. something we never had the upper hand at. stop wasting the present worrying about the future. solely because instead of waking up tomorrow morning for breakfast ( cerals have been my all time-favourite ), you might find yourself drawn down a long, dark tunnel towards a bright and beautiful white light.

your journey would have come to an end where your entire life just flashes before your eyes. that is when, your time is... up.

i could never really understand just what it is with people and bolsters.

most people that i know cant sleep without hugging a bolster. its not that they rub themselves against it or anything remotely close to that, but once we have that special someone, bolsters become inconsequential.

bolsters somewhat alleviates that need for someone to hug to sleep at night. first of all, bolsters definitely do not argue. they do not give you insecurities - everynight when you go to bed, you can be certain that your peanuts/mogu/bobo are tucked safely under your sheets.

alright, im not trying to pinpoint anything here but i definitely will not deny that bolsters do make good sleeping partners. however, we must understand there are just some things our bolsters cannot do. bolsters do not have arms that will hug you safely to sleep. neither are bolsters able to give you a goodnight kiss before you close your eyes, whispering those three sweet words into your ears as you slowly drift off to slumberland.

and thats not all.

sometimes your bolsters even end up on the floor when you wake up. in the mornings, bolsters cannot tell you that you look beautiful even though your eyes can barely open, your hair's in a total mess and not to mention, having rancid breath.

having that special someone is just... irreplacable.

we have grown more accustomed to the different ways of lives.

who goes where and who does what; doesnt really matter much anymore does it? i choose to believe we, mankind, are creatures of habit. once we delve deep into the likes and characteristics of one, we find ourselves struggling to create another persona.

ill let you in on a secret. i grew up sucking my thumb like all babies do. only thing was i didnt stop till i hit primary 5. the process of quitting was painstaking - like you're suddenly deprived of something so vital to you. sure, the rottans were definitely a way to deter me from sticking my germ-filled thumb into the blackhole. but whenever mum or dad was not around, subconciously, i would relapse back into the 6 year-old kid i always thought i was.

that old lady of mine would spell out all the drawbacks from indulging in that form of action. bugged-tooth, bacteria ( esp for my weak immune system ), sagging skin on the thumb, irregular bloodflow to the thumb, yadayada. she never knew the pleasures of it ( now ladies, dont get me wrong ).

jack did.

yes, jack. my imaginary friend since forever till he decided never to appear one morning. jack knew me. jack knew how i would give up my world (then) to just hug my bolster and suck my thumb to sleep. it has been many years and im definitely past that childhood phase of mine. thinking back, had mummy not delibrately made me stop sucking ( no, i cant find another more apt way of writing this ), id be ostracised today. i know i will be.

the society will not condone such behaviours - not for the right minds. no, not for the elites.

but the question is...why?