one thing's for sure,


its time i start recording down every single cent ive spent or used up on. cause i cant seem to tally the amount of cash i used.


and now im totally down to zero. mum. PLEASE come back

the last thing youll ever want in life is to know the people you hold dear to are filled with nothing but lies and more lies.


its like finding out that the pair of legs youve been walking on dont exactly belong to you. im tired of seeing all these conflicts slowly move themselves all around. how big can this social circle actually get?


as much as id like to deceieve myself of the importance i have in all their lives, i know im not in any position to state my rights, but seriously. i reckon you dont just lie to make everything to your own conveniences. yes, the truth hurts but it beats having to cook up a story and getting busted in the end.

if need be, do some self-reflection people. for now, ill just pretend ive never heard anything at all where things enter from one ear and exits thru the other. however much im missing all these people, lies just have got to stop. right here, right now. or at least i could pretend it did.

doesnt kill to be honest, does it?

its indeed amazing how small this world actually is.


im over and done with accusations. for one, my brain's not bigger than the size of my palm but most of all, ive way better things on hand to adhere to.


and lord here i pray, that you punish those who dont brush their teeth night and day. bless them with teeth decay. now, who says i cant get evil?

they all make it seem as though its a sin for me.
they all make it seem as though im the one causing all these.
they all make it seem as though i dont feel for the rest.


and they all make it seem as though im condemned for life.
they all they all. but did they all ever spare a thought for me?

lord, be merciful and rid her of all the pain. the painstaking breaths, the liveless expression. the wrinkles lying visibly upon her flawed pale skin. i just couldnt take an extra sight of it.


call me heartless. call me evil. but i just know she wont last thru the night. its insanely impossible. i saw her son with his hands clenching tight onto hers with tears streaming down his face. the desperate attempts of them trying to keep her awake.

and it striked me. i certainly dont want the same scenario happening to me for its seriously too big a blow to take. now you know the amount of angst i have inside of me. cancer. cancer. cancer.

there's so much i want to say yet words arent capable of penning my thoughts in black and white. and theres so much i need to know. if it does help, rid me and rid all their sufferings.


sins. retributions. hatred. vengence. just what are they?

the settings and wonderful layout. theres definitely way more than to what you think life's got to offer with me honouring the fact being materialistic is merely a reciprocal of it.


my voice's blown, but nothings changed.
now, who says phonebills never exceed more than 350. just kill me. seriously

put away our differences. and take away all the promises.


the holidays been a drag and quarrels are everywhere. i need my twocents in it. one thing - i just want to see you dance.

and i still reckon being mr george.w.bush is simply cool.

dig in my insecurities and youll understand why im behaving the way i do. they all think im doing it for no apparant reason.


whatever it is,
ive blewn my past away. and with that, happy national day.

the busting noises. the insecurities.


somewhere in me still cant accept the fact you actually did once choose him. i need my national day remedy. and i want to fly high up with the fireworks.

red white red white red. and ill safely tell you the devil thats burning inside of me.

the aftereffects of redwine mixed with hardliquor is just so wrong.


the dance moves. the loud banging music. the luminous flashlights. so much till im missing my old clubbing cliques too. we're all running away from our sins. we're all escaping death.

i fell so hard when you first left. but now, im happier than ever.
trust me.

my lifes still on contemporary hold.


and they all ask me why i change my skin and speak in such a delibrate equivocal manner. i tell them it doesnt really matter for its the superficial we all see and the beyond most of us neglect.


with errands aplently and my to-do list not remotely close to being accomplished, you know why im abstaining from all the affairs of the heart. at least singlehood does has it plus points.

maybe next time.