after all these, we're back to where we first came.



despite the arrival of the yearly promotional exams with frantic minds spotted easily at every corner of my eyes, ive reached nadir. my thoughts are fractious and yes, mental blocks have been frequent of late. im quite ashamed of myself really, or so to speak. its like they constantly remind me of the importance to study, yet i can push it all off with a laugh - 'its ok, its just be in 07s26.' yes, an additional year of education.


seriously, i think i need a wake up call.

exams and revision aside, i just walked the roads that linked our homes. i toured the street we once did. and i sat at the same stone chair i always do, piercing through your windows. everything looks the same, cept for one. youre no longer there.


i always thought i had the upper hand at things. this time round however, i felt undermined.

Broken promises are like shards of glass piercing thru your soft smooth skin. despite the healing, the scars remain.



people tell me how much of a blockhead i could be. ive only come to terms with them just not too long ago and as quietly the ticking of the raindrops, i realised youre like the air to me.


i took you for granted, i didnt realise you were even there. but the minute you decided to leave me, i know i will die. and i think ive fallen in love with cliche terms. however corny they sound, youd only see heads in agreement.


the skeletons in my closet. something youll never learn about.

nothing's like it used to be.
if theres something i could so bad,

turn back the hands of time.


and before everyone starts tearing me apart.
somebody, prescribe me antidepressants.





and why can everyone else around me seem so happy?

dont dream. its over.






i always thought id never truly understand how its like falling in love. it always used to be the concoction of fun and warmth and everything's not. but after so many months of hard effort trying to take the first step out of the box,




ive finally been drawn and pulled back. by this stupid thing called love.
and stupid really, i thought i moved on.

if youd ask me, the seabreeze at eastcoast sure is good.


it gets you thinking but i guess at times, to do the total opposite just isnt right. at this particular point of time, my mind's just simply drained. goodnight.

if you all think you know it better, its all yours. i always reckon action speaks louder than words.



you all claim youve lifes to live and work to do. how about the rest? check out my schedule before making false accusations. and if you dont like what you see, then shut your hole or just lick my shoe.



and when i say im pissed, i seriously do mean im pissed. bottomline, dont.. and i do mean, dont, get me started.

two ways. one, ive finally failed the lord. or two, i never once did please him.


its like the time of the month where everything at once seem to be on the downhill it practically feels like youre choking on a furball. however trivial all these can be, it sure leaves you gasping for air - wishing youd just die there and then.


i cant seem to piece my thoughts together. call it my 45th depressing tone but i certainly wish theres more than to those that bite my feet. everything's a mess. friends, problems, exams, council, and all the itsy bitsy nonsense lying all around. its so bad i swear you could just shaft a gun up my throat and bust my brains out.

honestly, id be more than happy.

you dont actually call it a private blog should you have your link lined up on purpose. its called attracting attention. no wait. i dont even know what im saying.


and everyone me seems sad lately and i honestly dont know how to go about cheering each individual up. however corny it sounds but if only i could heal the world . i dont know how many of you in the slightest mind recall me saying 'ill want to leave this world a little better than when i first came'.


lord knows how long more i have and im still stuck at route 69. i cant even take my life in control and yet im desperately trying so hard to play peacemaker. go on, laugh at me. laugh at my endless stupidity.


ha, how i wished i got stinged in the heart.

after all that that has happened, i cant help but feel the stupidity in me.

i always did believe in fairytales. i always did.

the echoes in my head and the liquor in my blood. the adrenaline rush that never fails to keep me high up and away.

i just wish at times i could really settle down. for the last thing i never need is an indecisive mind. oh lord, its time you give me a mind of my own to make decisions.

im tired by swaying. im tired by letting people choose and im tired... from all these insecurties. and whatever's to come. im praying lord, that youll be that last person who'll always be here for me.

cause up to now, im hoping my heart beats for the right reason. directions all i need. and however powerful english is, it can never better explain all these phenomenons.

just like how ud always ask your friend, "its for me to turn left, right?" ha, the alcohol and the dance moves. its time for sleep. one last time, drown me in the abundant skies.